I am so lost :( im in love still?

You know that first love? The one who made you feel like you were the most special girl in the world?? Well that recently came into my life. I just started high school, (this is my freshman year) and i fell in love, real love, for the first time. I thought he was perfect. When i found out he liked me i was overjoyed. Then in december we kissed for the first time. I felt like my life was perfect and nothing could ruin it. He was the first one to kiss me, the first one i told i love you to, and the first one who told me he loved me. Well, we started to stop talking. Recently we have been acting as just friends. I thought that he was basically my big bro now. So i started liking another guy, and im starting to get the feeling again. I thought i had figured everything out, but i guess not. Recently i found out from my best friend that the first guy had kissed another girl just a while before we kissed. I came home today and cried for hours. I felt like i had been cheated on, even though we never officially went out. I know why he didnt ask me out now. It was because he didn't see me as the "one" in his life. I feel awful. I know now that i am still madly in love with this guy. I know that you are gonna say im wrong, but i cannot imagine spending my life with anyone else. I dream about him like every night and he is always on my mind. I still kind of like this other guy too!!! and im starting to like him more now!!!! im so lost, i really need help. I can't take this pain anymore! Help me. please :(:(:(